The Reward

Author’s note: The very best way to enjoy this story is to first click on the music video and then start reading.

The falling snow covered her sleek black locks like a mantilla. She reached for the cast-iron handle of the heavily carved church door, turned and pulled it in one motion. Candles flickered around the sanctuary giving a warmth to its gothic stylings. All she needed was the organ softly playing, but there was no one sitting on the bench. All was quiet.

“Click-click, click-click.” Her smart black pumps needed re-heeled. She tried walking on the balls of her feet to lessen the noise and keep her heels from marring the beautiful Italian marble, but the clicking continued. She headed to the altar.

How long had it been since she’d set foot in a church? She couldn’t remember. Flashes of the congregation singing and praising God flooded her mind while her heart felt like someone had placed a hot-water bottle right in its center. Tears welled up and flowed down her face. The heat in her heart intensified. She knelt at the foot of the altar before flinging herself prostrate on the floor sobbing.

“Why do you love me Lord! When I’m such a waste of life? Why? Please take me home to be with you. I am useless here. I can’t love another human being. I’m so busy judging them, and pushing them away from you with my selfishness. I’ve tried to love people Lord. You know I have, but I just can’t! I don’t have your love in my heart. I’m so selfish! I have nothing to give and I give nothing. Why am I still walking this earth? Why am I still here? Please take me home to be with you! Please Lord, take me home to be with you!“

Silence.

The sobbing continued until moonbeams streamed through the stained-glass window. Weary and worn she got to her knees and then stood to face the altar. Hopelessness filled every cell of her being. She was a complete failure. She was a failure as a wife, and mother, daughter, sister, friend, neighbor, and colleague, but worse than all of that, she was a failure as a Christian. There was no hope for her. There was no point in trying to go on. She’d made up her mind. If He wouldn’t take her home to be with him she would. Taking a bottle of pills from her coat pocket, she turned them out onto her hand, threw them into her mouth, and took a quick drink from the holy water by the side-door.

She lay down on the first pew and waited. In the distance she could see a beautiful crystal-sea. The icy-blue waters gently lapped at the gleaming white sands while the breeze whispered… What was it saying? She struggled to hear. Angels, some in white and some in blue robes, some with golden sashes, and some with white, filled the heavens. She tried calling them, but her voice wouldn’t work. She sat up and watched as one by one people of all ages appeared and seemed to take their place in the pews until every pew was filled and every aisle overflowing. And music, unlike any she had ever known, permeated everything. Was that the scent of? Jasmine? lavender? Gardenia? She couldn’t quite place it.

A little boy, maybe three years old, came over to her. He looked at her with such love in his eyes she wondered if he knew her. His chubby little hand reached up and gently touched her face. “Thank you for praying for me, and my mommy and daddy.” he said, and kissed her cheek.

“But I don’t know you; when did I pray for you.?” she whispered. The boy moved on only to be replaced by an old woman. Just as the boy had done the woman looked at her with such love in her eyes and then gently caressed her face. “Thank you for lifting me up. Your prayers bought me enough time so that I was able to say goodbye to my precious husband.”

“But I don’t know you either, when did I pray for you?”

A young man in combat gear came next. He looked at her with such love in his eyes. “Thank you for praying for me.” he said caressing her tear-stained face. “Without your prayers I wouldn’t be here. You prayed me into the Kingdom. I’ll be forever grateful.”

One by one the people in the pews came forward, looked at her with such love, caressed her face, and thanked her for the prayers she’d said for them. “But I don’t know any of you!” she cried.

She watched as the tiny flickering light in the middle of the altar grew until it filled the church. And then a voice from above said, “Whatever you did for one of the least of these you did for me.” Her body was now upright and she was floating toward the flame. Indescribable love engulfed, surrounded, poured-in and out of her all at the same time. And peace like a river carried her forward. As she drew closer to the center of the flame it opened in a vision.

She saw herself sitting at the breakfast table with her bible open, her hands lifted high, and praying. The vision changed and she was prostrate on the floor on top of a large map of the world. She was weeping and wailing and calling on the Name of God to save the lost Peoples of the different nations. She pled for the down-trodden, and the despised, the poor and the hurting in war-torn regions. The vision changed again. This time she was driving and each time she passed a child she lifted them up to the Lord for salvation, deliverance, and protection. And again the vision changed. This time she saw herself kneeling, hands clasped in prayer by her bedside.

She could hear the faint sound of voices surrounding her and struggled to hear what was being said. The sound increased. A hand took hers and turned her to face the pews. There on their knees were all the people who had thanked her for her prayers. She instantly knew they were praying for her! She could feel waves and waves of love wash over her until she was overcome with joy. Suddenly she burst out singing, “Holy, Holy, Holy! Lord God Almighty! Early in the morning my song shall rise to you! Only thou art Holy, Merciful, and Mighty, God in three persons, blessed trinity!” She thought she was going to explode with joy.

Once again she was watching the icy-blue waves lap the crystal-sea. The whispering was louder and she could finally hear what was being said. “But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father who sees what is done in secret will reward you.” She stood, her spirit renewed, her heart bursting with love, and her purpose clear. She’d never felt better in her life. All she wanted to do was run into the street and pour out God’s love on everyone she met.   —   And she did. 

MY FAITH LOOKS UP TO THEE/HOLY, HOLY, HOLY

My faith looks up to thee,
Thou Lamb of Calvary, Saviour divine!
Now hear me while I pray;
Take all my guilt away;
O let me from this day be wholly thine.!

May thy rich grace impart
Strength to my fainting heart, 
My zeal inspire;
As thou hast died for me.
O may my love to Thee
Pure, warm and changeless be,
A living fire…

Holy, holy, holy!  Lord God Almighty!

Early in the morning our song rise to thee.

Holy, holy, holy!  Merciful and mighty,

God in three persons, blessed Trinity!

 

Holy, holy, holy!  All the saints adore thee,

casting down their golden around the crystal sea;

cherubim and seraphim falling down before thee,

which wert, and art, and evermore shalt be 

Holy, holy, holy!  Lord God Almighty!

All thy works shall praise thy name,

in earth and sky and sea.

Holy, holy, holy!  Merciful and mighty,

God in three persons, blessed Trinity.

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